Adventures in Freelance Insanity
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Irony is Lost on the Oblivious
I have to laugh. My job is to handle emergencies. This Baltimore situation falls under part of my job. Everyone in the office is hunched over, watching CNN.
I have had numerous conversations with my boss about his attitude toward the public. He feels that the public is only entitled to the information he feels it is necessary for them to know. In most cases, this is none.
If we set up detours, people shouldnt ask why, just follow the detour. They dont need to know. That's HIS attitude.
Mine is that we are servants of the public and they have a right to know everything as long as it doesnt compromise national security.
We received the threat information on our Federal wire. The threat is incredibly specific.
As per our SOP, we called Baltimore to try to coordinate efforts. Baltimore is stonewalling us.
Our local news services are reporting that it is a drill.
My manager is freaking out, claiming that Baltimore is supposed to be sharing info, we are all supposed to work together, blah blah blah. All true.
He is bitter that mis-information is being spread by the press. HA! Part of my job is to repeatedly mis-inform the press at his order.
There is no reason the exact threat cannot be spelled out for everyone. There's no reason that Baltimore cant keep us updated.
But information is power. And policemen, and those in power, retain their power by only sharing what they feel like sharing, by keeping information close to the vest.
I pointed out to my boss that his frustration in being kept out of the loop is the same frustration the public feels when you detour them without telling them why.
The irony is lost on him as he rants about sharing.
Well, Id like to share - I need an asprin. His yelling is giving me a headache.
Especially annoying is my co-worker's Philly accent whch causes him to pronouce it Ball-tea-more.
I hope MD stays whole. Peace!
12:59 p.m. - 2005-10-18
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Gloating
I always felt very violated by my ex's insistance in telling everyone exactly what my C-section looked like. My insides are my own personal business.
During the operation itself I begged him to shut it a few times to no avail.
Proving that karma rules, his new wife recently gave birth to their twins.
After he cut the cord for the first baby, he fainted, knocking the OB on her butt and landing face-first in his wife's crotch.
Did I mention that karma rules?
Lest you think Im as horrible a person as I sound on this blog, in real life I made no mention of this story - the only acknowledgement of the birth I made was to send a box of their favorite cookies and ballons to the hospital and a care package with things like diapers to the new babies.
But in this relative anonymity I can gloat, cant i?
11:42 a.m. - 2005-10-13
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Pictures, finally!
This is my second favorite picture of Jake. He can still do the whole million-wrinkle face thing, although now when he does I call him Mr. Magoo.
This is Jake at one month old. He's doing great. Although it's impossible to tell in this picture, he has earned his family nickname - The Face. He has the most expressive face Ive ever seen on a baby.
In this picture, he is sleeping off a drunk - kidding! He's just sleeping.
Although the stitches look bad, the scar is amazingly hard to see. The worst scar he has actually came from his IV infiltrating, which left a chemical burn that ate away portions of his left hand - thats why it's bandaged in the picture.
His chest stiches and even his chest tube were not hard for me to take - I expected them and they look like what they sound like.
When the nurse said his "line had infiltrated" we weren't concerned - it sounds so innocuous, doesnt it?
Until I saw his unbandaged hand with the deep burns - so deep that you could see his muscles. I held it together long enough to ask questions, then spent the rest of the day in tears. It had to hurt him so bad!
My absolute favorite picture, Face at 6 weeks -
God, I love this kid!
11:40 a.m. - 2005-10-12
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Dont Kill Me
Im working on about 3 hours of sleep a night. I am made of caffiene. Not blood, caffiene.
Okay, there are my excuses. I need excuses because I feel guilty. I wrote my new neighbor a note in which the word Asshole was a prominent theme.
Onto the story!
I came out of the apartment the other night at 4 AM. Monday I was late to work for a stupid reason so I was going to be early on Tuesday.
As I made my way in the pouring rain to my car I realized that 2 people had parked their trucks side by side in the no-parking zone, effectively blocking in my car.
I waited 15 minutes for someone to show up, then wrote a nasty note before I attempted to 4-wheel my car out of the spot.
As I began the car maneover the truck owners came out and I realized they were the new upstairs neighbors.
Yes, they completed violated the parking rules and made me late for work but obviously they were doing something and no doubt believed no one would be up at that hour.
On the way to work I wondered though. We were required to pay extra money to get our stuff in the apartment before the 7 PM "moving" deadline, yet another rule they felt didnt apply to them. Or were they moving furniture?
What exactly WERE they doing with two trucks at 4 AM in the pouring rain?
Desperate Housewives has made me paranoid.
Now while the truth is that the first 1/2 hour after waking up is the worst time to piss me off and I am liable to do things for which I feel compelled to apologize for later, even if I wasnt sorry it might be in my best interest to apologize to these people anyway.
You never know.
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J was hired to DP a movie! Yeah!!!! After I heard the news I realized all over again how screwed we are - there's no way we'll ever get childcare.
Despite that, I am determined that J not surrender his passion (surrender to, yes). Ill find a way.
Yeah J!!!!!
11:07 a.m. - 2005-10-12
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Choices
If you ever want to get people to jump all over you and call you a monster, try talking about the price of a life.
I recentlyput a comment on parentsbehavingbadly.com andoh, the horror.
The reactionary comments ranged from people wishing I had kids so I would know what it was like to those who said I was a monster and would be a horrid mother to the expected selfrighteous "I would do anything for my child (unspoken: because I am a great mother whereas you, clearly, are not)
As we creep closer and closer to the days when Roe vs. Wade will be overturned it would behoove people to start caring more about what this "culture of life" is costing them.
While my heart (and my actual actions themselves) show that I would do anything to keep my son alive, as a sentient human being I am also well aware of what it will cost me.
And unafraid to count the cost.
Even with both of us insuring the baby (something we will no doubt have to sue for) the cost of the three operations will be $17,000 per. So, barring complications, our portion will be $51,000. Of course, we HAD complications - the 8 week stay for prematurity in the ICU. I dont know (or want to know) the cost of those weeks.
Then there is the fact that we have a $1,000,000 cap - it's possible that we've already reached that limit.
I dont know what happens - are we responsible for the balance?
I knew (even though my doctors were clueless) that there would be some pematurity involved, and certainly we knew the treament for his disability.
So having Jake was a choice.
It's a choice that means I will never, ever, be able to pay off his medical bills.
It will be harder to buy a house and my interest rate will be higher.
Every money decision I do make (to save for his college, take a vacation) will make me feel bad since I will owe so much money.
Congress just passed a law making it even harder to declare bankruptcy, even for medical bills. Like so many laws, it is designed to help big business. What other laws will come down the pike that may make it even harder to be in that much debt?
Collection agencies are allowed to call me EVERY DAY and speak as nasitly as they wish in an attempt to collect the debt. This harassment and bullying would be grounds for a restraining order in a person.
The stress of caring for a disabled child is increased tenfold by debt, collection agencies, etc. Stress will shorten my life.
All of these things are things I knew when I made the choice to bear my son. What about when bearing a child is no longer a choice? Who decided that the only choice is termination or a full-court press?
One of the charges leveled against me in the comments was that we go to the limit for our elders. Not true.
We have DNRs and our next of kin is autorized to make medical decisions that can include letting someone die of a treatable illness. Why shouldn't a parent be allowed the same choice for their child?
At the very least, arnt we playing into the hands of big business when we refuse to have a conversation about the cost of life in this country?
Shouldnt we do this before all of our choices get taken away?
8:46 a.m. - 2005-10-10
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