Adventures in Freelance Insanity ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I didnt lose 40 pounds or go to my interview yesterday. My lawyer told me to stay at my current job until Ive completed a few steps toward letting the company resolve my insurance fuckup. So here I shall sit. I must admit to a little relief as I would no doubt have to buy clothes if I did leave this job (those extra 40 pounds). There is a viscious rumor that Comcast will actually be out on Sunday to provide me with internet service. After two months of Verizon's promises of the same thing, Im not exactly holding my breath. But I am hopeful. On this beautiful Friday I am looking forward to a weekend of sleep and work. I wish you a joyous weekend and I leave you with a line that made me laugh out loud - "He may be lonely, but his narcissism and mysogny are holding hands on a beach somewhere." - HeartlessBitches.com 10:51 a.m. - 2005-10-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On a Personal Note I have a job interview today. Do you think it's possible to lose 40 pounds in the next hour or so? 10:08 a.m. - 2005-10-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Watch Too Much TV Im not a huge fan of Desperate Housewives. I started watching it because my friends did and begged me to watch it also. The same reason I watched The Bachelor. I watch a lot of tv because the nature of a great deal of my work leaves my brain (and eyes) free. So as my hands work, I watch tv. I used to watch a lot of movies, now I TiVo. I dont mind adding Desperate Housewives because I watch so much tv that I run out and Desperate Housewives isnt horrible. But it's also not spectacular. Im sincerely disappointed in this years offering of shows. Ive Tivod Supernatural, Extras & My Name is Earl because I liked them, and a host of others - like Threshold, Surface - that are alright. If every new show was Grey's Anatomy (a B) I wouldnt mind so much (i think) but where's the bell curve? If I had to sit through Killer Instinct then where's my Lost to make up for it? I think Ive managed to catch at least one espisode of every new show and I am bitter. There is not one that I cant wait to see, that I use my Tivo math to watch - 20 minutes of already taped show means I wont have to watch a commercial. Where's my Arrested Development, my Gilmore Girls, my Seinfeld, my West Wing? I realize that good shows are hard to come by but not even one? In the whole season? If anyone knows of a good show that Ive missed, lemme know, and I promise if Ive seen it and thought it bit I wont say so. As a side note, J and I started watching Rome and found it so boring (among other things for me) that our tivo is currently saving 5 episodes which J insists he's gonna watch. Eventually. It brought to mind a funny article I read in a waiting room and therefore have no idea the author or magazine in which the author claimed that in order to be considered "in the know" it was now not necessary to actually see the show in question, merely to have Tivod it. In that spirit, I suggested to J that he burn the shows onto a dvd (the dvr's getting full) and continue to do so for the whole season, that way when his friends ask if he saw such-and-such an episode he can say "Ive saved them onto DVD so I can enjoy them back to back at the end of the season." instead of the much more honest "I loathe the show." His whole dilema makes me laugh. He is only (attempting) to watch it in order to converse with his friends. Pre-tivo, he could have said "I had to do blah blah" and missed it." Now he must resort to either watching it or pretending that he will watch it. Much like my recent realization that I long for the days of corded phones. It is the perfect excuse to hang up. ("Sorry, Ive gotta get the door/empty the dishwasher") Whenever I start longing for anytype of regression however, I use one word to recall me to the fact that the past sucked ass too: tampons. 9:33 a.m. - 2005-10-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not in a Gazillion Trillion Years So I made the huge mistake of letting my mom know that Im job hunting. ********************************* Despite my work rant I am in a fabulous mood and wish everyone the joy of fall - just joy in general. Have a great weekend!!! 11:03 a.m. - 2005-09-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Banned Books Ive read Top 100 Banned books, those Ive read in bold, steal it if ya wanna.
1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
8:35 a.m. - 2005-09-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That Woman My last post kind of reminds me of a message I recently left on my friend's phone. He swears I was drunk, but I hadnt been drinking which he claims makes it even more funny. The incident I was relating to him bears repeating. It will only be hilarious to people who live in NJ or those near Phila. I took my son to a community party for the teens in our development. After I dropped him off I realized that I hadnt given him any spending money (his dinner was free but you should always have some pocket money). I kind of lurked around, assessed tbe situation and decided that if i just gave him the money and left without indicating in any way that I did more than mildly knew him it would be okay. As I approached however, a woman, NOT one of the hip chaperones of the party, sprung out to greet me. "You must be Terror's mom. I cant thank you enough. You're son is so nice. He made time to talk with my son. I knew my son wouldnt talk to anyone and would just sit here because he doesnt have any friends or know how to make friends, but your son talked to him and now he's joined in the group." A few points, psycho mom. First, way to make your son sound like a loser. Second, perhaps he would be more inclined to join in if he wasnt the only kid here whose MOM is staying for the party. She was dug in, too. Snacks from home, a thermos, a book. Id like to add that her house happens to be one of the few that OVERLOOKS the (outdoor) communal party area. Personally, I could understand not knowing from the beginning that it was kids-only but when you arrive and you're the only parent there, you need to answer the clue phone. I asked if she was from the south (her accent) and she told me they had recently moved from Minnesota. Get ready, people, here comes the good stuff. I asked her how she liked it, and began to feel sorry for her, wondering if she had stayed at the party in hope of snagging a friend or two herself. She said she would never move back, she LOVED it in New Jersey. The things she loved most about it were 1. The drivers. The way people drive here is so much better than where she lived. 2. The car insurance. It is incredibly cheap here. 3. Taxes. There's no tax on paper products and isnt that just wonderful. New Jersians are trying to catch their breath back and for the rest of you - it has actually been proven now that NJ has the worst drivers in the entire country. We also, predictably, have the highest car insurance. I could only conclude at this point in our conversation that either A. She lived on a NASCAR track in one of the cars thus accounting for the driving and insurance comments. or B. She has very very good drugs. I left posthaste determined to see her again because dammit, cheap entertainment is priceless and maybe she's free with the sharing of the goodies. 10:59 a.m. - 2005-09-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Um, yeah Len, you are so sweet you make me want to cry. Im too tired to cry. And too tired, for the first time EVER in my ENTIRE life to have sex. That's right, I actually turned down sex. To be fair, it was a halfhearted offer. Im almost sure J offered because he thought I would turn him down. I was so tired that he would ask me a question and I would forget, in the middle of my answer, what I was saying. Girlie gets cranky when she doesnt get any. Alright, I admit it, beyond cranky. When I am deprived I am a viscious bitch. Sex, beyond whatever else it may or may not mean at the time, is a stress-reducing, instant shot of sleepy adreneline. Sex rules. So currently I am a severely sleep-deprived, sex-deprived monster. I snarl, and my upper lip has developed a sneer. I am too tired to properly eviscerate Verizon for STILL not having my DSL up and running, and too tired to go to Radio Shack and by a really long phone cord to use the dial-up service Ive never stopped paying for. I believe more and more that we are in the End of Days. People in the South are still dying because of dehydration and lack of basic hygeine facilities and I live .5 miles from every chain store in existance, including a drive-thru or eat in store that only sells ice cream. Consider that. A whole store that sells nothing but ice cream. Theres not only 1 of them, but at least 10 within a 10 mile radius. Anyway, it makes me sad. Or it would, if I could feel anything besides bone-crushing tiredness and a strange giddy lightheadedness thats beginning to scare me. If this post doesnt make any sense I apologize. I think. 8:56 a.m. - 2005-09-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Am Unlike Me Until I was researching something else I never used the word "Disabled" to describe my son. I never thought of him as having a disability. Half a heart, sure, but disabled? 9:27 a.m. - 2005-09-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to School Night Had to go to Back to School night last night and of course J was still working so I had to bring baby (and monitor) along with me. When we got the monitor for the baby the tech told us that the most common problem was going to be people coming up to tell me their own stories about having their baby on a monitor. It is true. About 30 people just had to tell me about their child being on a monitor, and the trials involved. Of course, they were being nice and trying to offer their sympathy, but I guess this just highlights what an alien I am. Terror, weighing in at 1 lb 12 oz at birth, was on a monitor when he came home too. I have never once gone up to a total stranger to tell them that. I dont understand why you would unless somehow this stranger was seeking reassurance from you. Thats just me though. so that was my night back at school and one thing i can state with absolute assurance - I do not miss it one little teeny bit. Although I have to admit that the other day I was seriously thinking about finishing college to get my degree, the only way I would consider it would be online or by mail. 9:09 a.m. - 2005-09-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In Case It Wasnt Apparent In case it is not apparent in my writing, Im finding the rest of the crap that has been going on in my life annoying rather than something to cry about. Truth is, I dont get upset about anything besides my son's health. Although I bitch like crazy on this site, it's meant to be more of a -people are crazy so grab a marguerita- kind of bitch rather than a - minutes away from an AK- kind. Im not a great writer on the internet, however, and I dont think this is always apparent. Im the first one to laugh at my life. Grab a marguerita and laugh along. People. are. crazy. 10:06 a.m. - 2005-09-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh yeah... Some additional fun things I forgot. As I lay in the hospital the results of J's tests came back. He has the liver of a 50 year old alcoholic. His Doctor said "You have to stop drinking or you'll be dead within a year." Just one litlle teeny problem - J doesnt drink. I mean, perhaps the occasional beer or two, but... I bought a case of Molson Ice and a case of Corona in February and we still have at least half of each. I dont think that qualifies as drinking too much. And I know at least 3 other people also drank some of it. So J just has a failing liver. I say it's from the fast food he comsumes constantly. We resolved to start eating better and he has been doing good so far. Especially since with all the back and forth between the hospital there is a great temptation to eat a lot of fast food. At the hospital, there is actually a 24 hour McDonalds on the first floor of the hospital itself. Our son is fine in this interum between his first and second open-heart surgeries. Or, as I like to say, he is still alive despite the best efforts of his parents. His parents, unfortunatly, are morons. The very first day he was home (11 days ago) I tried to kill him. See, at the hospital, they delight in using metric. They use metric as an extension of the medical jargon they spout, so you, a normal person (American in this case) will be unable to understand them. Im American, people, I dont speak Metric. I speak that other one. What is the name of ours, anyway? By the end of the hospital stay, I could spout metric with the best of them. My son weighed 2.316 kilograms, he drank 60-80 ml a day and was 44 cm long. He takes doses of his medicine in increments of .325 ml, .3 ml and .2 ml. The only thing I ever bothered converting to our system was kilograms because everyone wants to know how much the baby weighs. Why? I dont know, they all ask though. ASIDE: Although all the nurses must get asked to convert Kilos to pounds constantly, they somehow are all unaware that when they use the 2.2 conversion rate the answer is NOT displayed in pounds and ounces. I cant tell you how many times i tried to explain to a nurse that 4.6 was not four pounds 6 ounces. Its kind of scary since they are handing out dosages. So moron me, I get home with my little packet explaining how much mix to add to the baby's milk. 2 tsp for every 3 oz. Except, I only speak metric at this point. And my bottles, they dont even HAVE ounces on them, they have millilitres. So I mix 2 tsp for every 3 millilitres which is like 2000 times too much. It is like oatmeal. I call the hospital "This cant be right, i could spoon-feed it to him." It IS right, they tell me, try a little less. She is mystified. I try a little less and the goop will at least go through the nipple. I feed it to my poor poor son who willingly drinks the kool-aid. As he pukes all over me I realize what I have done, the moronic misstep in the formula creation. I apologize, and we both pay the price as his stomach and intestines protest this goop invasion far into the night. Then 2 days ago, 9 days after beginning to give him this medicine i have the following conversation with J while preparing the syringes in the kitchen. Me: Uh. Shit. Im a moron. J: What? Me: We should have refridgerated this medicine. J: (defensive) Why? Who said? I turn the bottle over to display the gigantic "MUST REFRIDGERATE" sticker on the back. J: Oh. Me: Yeah. And Ive DONE this before! I so need some sleep. 9:30 a.m. - 2005-09-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How I Spent My Summer Vacation Stupid Stupid Nurse As I settle into my hospital bed she attempts to give me an IV. I have great veins. 2 sites and 8 sticks later she finally finds one. I have never been so hurt in my entire life by a needle. Site infiltrates after 3 days. Then she attempts to hook me up to an ultrasound monitor. For 15 minutes she attempts this. She leaves. J makes a sarcastic comment about her efficiency. I crack up. The belt falls off. We laugh harder. She comes back in to reattach the belt. 45 minutes ("Im determined to get this!") later she gets it on. Not kidding. 45 actual minutes. She leaves the room. J and I crack up. Belt falls off. Cannot stop laughing. Wait for different nurse to walk by room and call her in. Turns out, first nurse was using 2 different belts to strap this around me, thus the ends were not actually attached to anything, thus the falling off. Did i mention first nurse is very pretty? Til now, I have not said anything to nurse because I assume it is her first year, if not her first day. Find out it's 5 years, 1 in OB. Hate her (IV has not stopped hurting yet). Have her again on the last day of my stay. As I position my painful body into a sleeping position I realize I have forgotten to call the other hospital where my son is before I attempt to sleep for the first time in two days. We have this conversation: Me: Oh no. Her: What? Me: I forgot to call to see how my baby is doing. (Phone is on opposite side of me now, phoning a laborous (pun intended) proposition at this point. Her: Oh. Me: Well, he's at the best hospital in the country. Im sure they are taking care of him. Silence. Me: Im sure he's fine, right? Her: I dont know anything about that. Me: No. No. When someone says "Im sure my baby is fine, YOU say "Im sure he's fine." Her: I didnt say that! Me: I know! Thats what you say when someone wants reassurance. Her: Even if you dont know if it's true? Me: Yes, even if you dont know. Very Confused look. Did I mention she's pretty? I also complained at one point that I got more milk before I had my baby than I did the first two days of pumping. Her response? "You probably got out all the nutrients already then." I honestly dont have the words. Funny/Pathetic Moments They took me down to x-ray to check out the fluid in my lungs.When I came back they had transfered me to Delivery. I was alone and no one had told me. When they turned me toward delivery I tried to use my legs to stop the wheelchair like some pathetic Fred Flinstone character. "Why am I going here?" It was sad. No one told me (and i dont remember this from last time) that anethesia makes your face itch. And itch. And itch. Enough to make you want to slap your own hands away from your face. That my need for liquid is incessant and all-consuming and both before and after they deny you liquid. I even hid Diet Coke in my bed but of course afterward i was unable to. Highlights of the C-section Of course it was the first day of new resident training so eager 10 year olds were paired with every veteren, doubling the amount of people in the room. Apparently, 22 strangers may stand around while you are strapped naked to a table, arms extended for crucifixtion. Having your signifigant other in the room is forbidden. The resident anthestiologist attempts to give me an epidural. Three needles to the spine later, he is successful. The epidurals, however, not so much. Naked in the freezing cold room with 22 strangers, we play the fun fun game of poke That Girl to see if she's numb. She is so not. An hour passes. That's right, an hour of fun. I couldnt MAKE this up! He tells everyone to take a 15 minute break and promises Ill be numb when they come back "One way or another". My imagination runs wild but the practical side assumes he means a general if the spinal fails. I've wanted nothing but J to be with me for the last half hour. BUT As I sit there, waiting to stop coughing so the impatient anethesiologist can put a 5th needle into my spine, I look around the room. There are six people, all men, in the room. They are discussing their weekend plans, their plans for later that evening, their golf games while I am about to get yet another needle in the spine. I realize 1. There is no sex on Earth worth this Thank god I was in no position to act on any of these revelations, as they soon passed, along with all feeling in my legs. At the end of the operation I began throwing up. Flat on my back, with my feet higher than my head (BP 193/109) - this has to be the most awkward way to throw up in the world. Basically, i was puking all over my own face. J was calmly wiping it off. I wished he wasnt there because I couldnt imagine him ever wanting to have sex with me after seeing THAT. He tells me that the time i threw up on him was much worse. Anyway, it seems that even in the midst of a C-section, sex was still on my mind. There is sooo something wrong with me.
1. My ex-landlord. Our lease was not up until the end of august. He signed a lease with someone else to move in on July 15th. He spent the week i was in the hospital bullying J to sign papers agreeing to move out early. Because, with me in the hospital and our son's life hangning in the balance, we were so in a position to apartment/house hunt. I tried to explain to J that NJ law would let us live in the apartment for six months WITHOUT EVEN PAYING RENT (not that I would do this, but the law is that lenient) and landlord had like a hope in hell of getting us out early because he ILLEGALLY SIGNED A CONTRACT WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Landlord knew that he could bully J though, and took advantage of my hospitalization to call him every day and badger him to sign papers agreeing to move out early. At one point, J told him that he had consulted a lawyer and told him that the law did not allow him to kick us out early and the landlord replied "Well, technically the lease is only for three people and now you have four so you're in violation." The truth is that the fourth person (unless youre counting in utero habitation) never lived with us and therefore the lease was never violated. But really, even if it was against the law, there is a way to be a person. 2. Verizon. Who took, literally 4 days and 7 people to even UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT that I had no working phone line, and an additional 2 days to get me one. Before they came out, we could access the internet on the laptop by using other peoples unsecured connections. After Verizon fixes the phone, no DSL service. At all. So in addtion to the hours I spent on the phone trying to get them to understand, and the hours waiting for the guy to come, i get to spend more hours on the phone (then waiting for the guy to come) as they try and direct me to "fix" the DSL. Cant wait. 3. DirectTV Who advertises free moving yet somehow neglects to mention that the actual people who install the Direct TV will charge you through the nose ($75 last time, $150 this time). So the actual free part is them changing the address on your bill. Thats free. Oh yeah, and two visits, one to install it and one to fix what the installer broke. More time wasted waiting. 4. People who get annoyed because in between recovering from a C-section, visiting with your child in the Cardiac ICU (1 hr 20 minutes just commuting every day), pumping breastmilk for said child every 3 hours, House/apartment hunting, packing, unpacking, moving (with all the annoying crap that entails), registering your child for school, buying all the back-to-school crap, setting up a nursery, and writing thank-you notes to people, I do not have time to call them back even when they have left more than one message. Attention: There really are far more vital and pressing things in life than having your teeth cleaned. Really. Also, leasing office and anyone else to whom this applies: If you make a mistake and call me and ask me to take MORE time out of my day to stop by YOUR place to correct YOUR mistake and then I get there and you have screwed it up AGAIN and ask me to come back AGAIN you DO NOT get to be snippy with me about the time it takes me to come back. Stop fucking up, how bout that? All these people deserve a sound bitchslap. They annoyed and pissed me off even more than those people who IM you over a long period of time (like and hour) and if at some point you do not immediatly IM them back do not assume that you went to the bathroom or turned away for a moment but that you are ignoring them and write in their IM.. Hello? In the space of 4 or 5 seconds. They always deserve a bitchslapping. You know who you are. 10:55 a.m. - 2005-09-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stop it already Okay, not gonna get to the catch-up today. Not having internet at home sucks. Verizon, I curse your name. You'd think that having a baby in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit for the past two months would be all the bad luck a person needs. You'd be wrong. The kind of two months I've had? Yesterday I check my bank account to see what my balance is, since my disabilty check finally came after 2 months of being out of work. Luckily I dont need money to live. A few days after I deposited the check, I used my debit card to make a purchase. They called to verify the money in my account, i signed, they gave me my stuff. Only now, it turns out, the checks had not cleared. so... 1. Apparently the state of NJ banks at an out-of-state bank necessitating a longer check-hold time at MY bank. 2. My bank has allowed all my purchases to go through and charged me $32 fee for each purchase, for a total of $394 in bank fees. My bank tells me that to their special customers they allow purchases to go through and then charge me for this "convienance." Did they ever notify me I was a "special customer in good standing"? No. Can I retroactivly be considered a bad customer because the cost of being a good one seems way to steep for me. Of course, this cant be handled by phone. So Ill have to go into the bank and sort it out. That would be in my spare time between working both full-time jobs and being the mother of a teenager who just started a new school and a newborn infant with a host of health-care needs. Sure, no problem. I went to work with baby throwup in my hair yesterday because i didnt have time to re-wash my hair. An aside from my exhausted brain - when they are trying to convince young girls to avoid getting pregnant, why use bland "it's hard work" bullshit. Talk about horrendously swollen ankles, or going to work with throwup in your hair. It's a least gotta be less boring. Anyway, corny as it sounds, the time I get to hold little Jake all that crap just fades away. Unfortunatly, that time is never long enough. Im making a list in my head of all these institutions annoying the living fuck out of me. They had better hope I never actually get any free time, that's all Im saying. 11:27 a.m. - 2005-09-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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