Adventures in Freelance Insanity
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And Now For something completely different...
Im sure I will get back to bitching and complaining soon enough but today I need some good times so here is...
1. A picture of the Face on his 1st Birthday (the colors are weird, as is the guy who took this pic)
2. Despite the many, many things I hate about myself and my life right now I do have to give myself a pat on the back - I quit a 4 pack a day smoking habit. I have not had a cigarette for over a year now. I have not even had a craving for one although, strangly, I have dreamt that I was smoking. But yeah me!
And last, a quote for the bestest sitcom ever...
"You really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to, like, Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the university level, like where Freud studied, and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once-a-week for eighty bucks, no. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working around the clock, thinking about you, having conferences, observing you like the way they did with the elephant man. That's what I'm talking about, because that's the only way you're going to get better."
- Jerry, to George, in "The Pitch"
2:36 p.m. - 2006-07-18
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A Day in the Life or WTF do you DO all day?
This is the most-excellent Sheryl's webpage and this is her monthly thing - a day in the life.
Here's a day in my life...
1:12 AM Wake up (1 hour 12 min after going to bed) because baby is crying. Throw bottle into crib and roll over. (Kidding. I put it in his mouth and re-covered him so he could rip covers off 1.3 seconds later.)
4:00 AM Wake up. Go to bathroom and realize - Will be late for work if I stop at CVS to get Face’s meds like I planned. Realize that J, who usually cuddles with me until I fall asleep and then gets up and does stuff has fallen asleep when I did. So there are no more bottles. Decide to be nice and make some so J has some for the 4:30 AM and 6 AM feedings. (I’m a gem, really I am).
4:05 Get dressed, brush teeth and make 3 bottles for Face. Decide I am defiantly not eating anything today (my awesome diet plan).
4:15 Cover Face, kiss sleeping J and leave for work. In case you are thinking I skipped recording things in my morning routine like say, brushing hair – to you I say HA! I am not a just-woke-up person. I am a talk-to-me-after 32 oz of Diet Coke person. And as for makeup… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
4:25 Midway through driving to work ruminate on fact that most people on road at 4 AM are either drunk, assholes, or both. Wonder which category jerk behind me who is HIGHBEAMING and TAILGATING me while ignoring utterly clear left lane next to me. And no, I didn’t cut him off, I was on the road for a while before he came FLYING up.
4:33 Mutter really bad things about people who highbeam me at 4 AM, having lost temper with guy behind me.
4:45 Get to work, grab work jacket and pat down pockets for swipe card. I am 15 minutes late but the Thursday supervisor wont care so hey.
4:46 Put soda I brought from home in fridge for later and start up both computers (I use 2). Say hey to 2 co-workers who are about to go to sleep at their desks.
4:58 TRS 80 I use finally “boots up”. Okay, I’m kidding – I think it is at least a Dell but it really did take it this long to bring windows up. Type in passwords and bring up programs I will use.
5:00 Wonder why I’m not tired, realize it is warm in the room. Cold makes me fall asleep (I know, I’m weird) so I usually sleep at my desk in the morning because the combination of nothing much to do and 55 degree atmosphere (I WISH I were kidding!) sends me right to dreamland.
5:01 Am happy to be warm and awake and begin to read blogs while doing my job.
5:06 Co-workers bitch mightily that I am working which means they have to also and ask why I am not asleep.
5:30 Co-workers really seriously bitching about me working and decide to make it cold in the room like it usually is.
5:45 Co-worker calls and ask if anyone wants anything for breakfast. I hold out for .04 seconds and order egg and cheese sandwich.
6:00 I fall asleep.
7:30 Wake up because co-workers bitching that it’s late and they will get in trouble if I am sleeping. True, and ironic. Did I mention how much I love my damn job? Brush my hair. Start working.
9:00 Read blogs while I work (my work requires monitoring things, which I can do and read blogs at the same time)
10:00 Eat a doughnut which has come into our room despite the fact that I banned all such foodstuffs from our area 1 ½ years ago precisely for this reason. This is the 3rd time my rule has been broken. So much for my diet today.
11:00 Do other part of job which requires, at the end, pointing out all the mistakes my co-workers have made. I am soooo popular.
11:30 Read blogs and talk to J on phone about Face. J reports Face is cranky and we worry because last night his feet were very blue. Could be something. Or nothing. Congestive heart failure. Cold. Teething. Neurosis anyone?
11:45 Read more blogs.
12:55 PM Go downstairs and air out car and run A/C.
1:00 J pulls in parking lot and hands over baby. I brief him on work stuff (he is my relief at work) and then we discuss baby’s appointments. Realize that we have no idea when Physical Therapist or Occupational Therapist is coming this week (In our defense, THEY changed everything up on us) but we think one of them is coming today at 2:30. Or maybe 5. Or maybe we were supposed to call them.
1:03 We laugh and tell Face his parents are lame screw-ups. Give each other a good kiss (Oh la la) and I leave with Face.
1:05 Go to McDonalds and get lunch. Diet, what diet?
1:10 Call dad and make sure he is designing a thank-you card this weekend so I can begin to write thank-you notes to the 180 people who gave Face a birthday/Christening gift.
1:15 Call my other job to check on some things, am glad I only work about 5 hours a week for other job right now.
1:20 Call mom about thank you notes and addresses she has for me for people she invited.
1:25 Call J to discuss Face’s doctor appointments coming up.
1:30 Call friend who I’m pretty sure hasn’t been answering because she just had her baby. Get her husband and find out I am right. Congrats to the brand new Alexander 7 lb 7 oz born on Friday! Talk with husband about new baby stuff and vow to visit on Sunday.
1:35 Get home and haul Face and our stuff to apartment. Realize I’ve forgotten to stop at CVS and get meds. Again. Sigh.
1:36 Put face in excersaucer while I put together shelving next to him for all his new toys. (Normally right now we would be doing some PT but he has OT today. Maybe. If he does, it is exhausting for him – most sessions end with him crying in exhaustion. So on days he has PT or OT, I don’t do either with him. I can always do it later if he doesn’t have it. We are so lame!)
Slight digression – having one of those mom issues that men don’t seem to comprehend, Face sleeps in a cradle in the corner of our room next to a small chest that holds clothes too big for him (he wears 3-6 month clothes). His current clothes are all in an armoire which is a huge mess due to the fact that he has not grown a clothes size for about 6 months. So the armoire has long-sleeved winter clothes, summer clothes, everything jumbled willy-nilly. Face should really be in a crib but then we need to move the drawers which can only go in my closet, which needs to be cleaned and some stuff boxed up which needs to be put in another closet which is choked with things that have been thrown into it by busy parents. So it’s clean the 1st closet to clean the 2nd one to move the chest to make room for the crib. Exhausting even writing about it. Yesterday I did the closets so its even MORE messy today. Plus there are a million new toys dumped in the living room from the Face-a-poluzza on Sunday. These require shelves in the living room. So. Um. If you followed that you should probably be on meds like I am.
1:50 Go into bedroom to find J has put crib together this morning, put it in place and even set it up with bedding, padding, stuffed animals, etc. Remember again why I love that guy.
1:52 Face has started to cry due to my 3 second absence. He is VERY cranky, like Dad said.
1:55 Feed face some Pasta Primavera while I watch the Daily Show on TiVo. Confuse baby by crying actual tears because I am laughing so hard (it’s the one about Sen. Stevens remarks re: the internet). Baby trying to decide if I am laughing or crying and making sympathetic faces. Of course, I must cover him with kisses because he is adorable. He responds by wiping his face on my pants.
1:57 Call Dad to see if he saw Daily Show and then tell him about internet as we crack up. Yes, we are both dorks.
2:20 Still feeding Face because his newest thing is helping me feed him. Try to control impatience.
2:30 Swaddle Face and rock him to sleep while watching Girlfriends rerun.
3:00 Write part of my day while talking to my friend who actually had the new baby (see above). She hadn’t spoken with her husband yet so we pretty much had the same exact conversation as I did with her husband. Play a round of Text Twist. Lose on rarefy.
3:30 Gather wash.
3:35 Face wakes up and I take him and wash to laundry room next door and start 2 loads of wash. He sits on the floor, crying for no reason whatsoever. As I sort wash into washers I speculate that recent death of four children in my support group has made me neurotic about Face because a symptom like crankiness gets me upset about his health. Shake it off!
3:45 Put Face in excersaucer while I open (cursing Machavellian packing) and put away all Faces new toys on shelves I put together earlier. Also unpack all new clothes and lay on bed for later sorting. Clean living room as I do all this. Gather up medical supplies I no longer use in bag (a project on my list for past 6 months). Bag will probably sit another 6 months before I list and offer to other parents in support group. But hey, it’s on my list.
4:45 Realize I have clean living room although foyer has 6 full trash bags, 2 trash bags for Goodwill and box from crib. All blocking closet with vacuum in it. This means that despite the quite miraculous transformation in my living room the therapist will think I’m a slob for the 4 inches of puffs and puff crumbs that cover the floor. Sigh.
4:47 Decide to be happy anyway, grab up Face and dance around living room.
4:50 Call J and tell him how awesome I am. And thank him for the crib surprise.
4:52 Sit on couch with Face and read him books while he drinks his bottle.
5:10 Swaddle Face and rock him to sleep while watching Girlfriends rerun.
5:30 Take out trash and load car with other bags. Normally I would wait and let J do it but need sense of accomplishment that wont come until I vacuum and have a clean hallway and foyer. Switch wash to dryers. Set timer to remind me.
5:53 Face awake. Throw a soft pretzel in toaster oven for me and feed Face his dinner.
6:30 Sit with Face and eat my pretzel and drink an ice cold Diet Coke. Mmmmmm.
6:35 Take all Face’s clothes out of armoire and sort, along with all new clothes.
7:05 Since therapist obviously isn’t coming, start PT/OT with Face. Some of this is couched in fun, but other things are very hard for him.
7:18 Face having trouble breathing but do one last “fun” exercise anyway. Face starts to cough and pukes all over me. Bath time comes early!
7:20 In my bra I give him a bath. Let him play in bath as I call Terror (my 14 year old son at his dads) to say hi and see how his day is going. Put him on speaker so he can say hi to Face, who is ecstatic to hear from him.
7:30 Wrap Face and put him in swing while I grab wash from the dryer. Fold clothes that will wrinkle easily.
7:40 Swaddle Face and sing to him as he drinks a bottle and I rock him.
8:00 Finish folding laundry and put clothes away (except for Terror). Make myself a big cold Diet Coke. This is the time I start to get tired and potentially cranky. Sort out more Face clothes.
8:30 J comes home. Face wakes up. Kisses all around, J holds Face and talks to me as I sort clothes.
9:00 I leave for CVS to get Face meds which conveniently all need to be refilled at the same time. Am pissy because CVS screwed up his meds Big Time last time and I am in no mood. Also, I will lose my parking space. I don’t care about the walk, but I go to work at 4 AM and less time spent in the parking lot, the better.
9:04 Get meds and other necessities. Get bag of Doritos. Doritos and a soft pretzel for dinner – don’t envy me too much!
9:30 Finish clothes debacle and lay in piles for the grand put-away tomorrow. Discuss new med and new dosages with J (he gives Face all his meds).
9:50 Make enough formula for next two days. J will pour it into individual bottles later. J props a bottle for Face who lays in our bed watching Stargate.
10:00 Sit at computer typing rest of Day while I eat my Doritos and drink my Diet Coke.
10:12 Check email and download work email. After deleting all Spam email I have 4 work emails to answer (tomorrow), 15 personal and/or blog emails to read and answer, and 118 emails to read (tomorrow) from my support group. I’m behind because of Face’s party preparation and my laziness in the beginning of the week. Here’s a dirty little secret as a reward if you’ve read this far. Sometimes, I just delete some of the support group email without reading it. There are certain people who have to respond to every email (reply to all instead of to the person) and some people who think their children are the cutest, brightest, funniest kids on the planet and have to share every word and deed they do with everyone. This makes me sound like a bitch, I know. But I’m not telling them to STFU, I’m just not reading these precious stories. And sometimes the email thread just bores me. So maybe I wont be reading 118 emails tomorrow. Shhhhh.
10:35 Have a little make-out session with my guy. Talk about tomorrow. Take shower. Brush teeth.
10:42 Dry off. Play little Text Twist. Lose after a few rounds on erotic. I swear I’m usually really good at it!
10:53 Put moisturizer on face and cream on body. Get ready to cuddle with J in bed. Remember I saved The Dailey Show so J could see that one part (yeah, I’m a dork. Bite me.) Show J and laugh all over again.
11:17 Snore
9:47 p.m. - 2006-07-14
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